theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I touched a dick in church today
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
