Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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