I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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