Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
