This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
