My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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