Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
