oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
