Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
birth control should be required to get into college
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
