I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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