I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
