so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
