Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
