Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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