what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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