just survived the first fart of the relationship.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
