Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
