Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
