Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
