There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it was like eating out sand paper
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
