I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
