We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
