Soap is not a condiment
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
