please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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