my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
