that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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