Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
