Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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