im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
