Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
