we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
