Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
