But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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