shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
