4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
