You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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