Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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