there's paper in my vomit.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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