I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
love makes seman taste better
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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