Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
zippers are such a cool invention
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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