You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Randomize
