I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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