He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
