Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
