Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
