i can't believe i had my finger in that
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
