So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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