Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
