there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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