Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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