I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
