He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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