shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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