I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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