Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
