I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I love having hate sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
