i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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