All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
