Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize