I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
