I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
