i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
