yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
