he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my liver is dry heaving
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
