So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
