i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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