so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
