Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
