I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
