sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just gift wrapped bread.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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