who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I won't apologize to a one balled man
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
