I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
