So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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