im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
