can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
