I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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