Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
