Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
